i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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