I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
