you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
