Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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