He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
