sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Moan for me like Helen Keller
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
