I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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