Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
either way he was missing a nipple.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
