With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
