Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
