you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
