Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
