You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
