the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
