Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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