Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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