i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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