i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
