Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
