i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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