I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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