ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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