At least make sure they are 18
Why
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
