She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
