the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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