Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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