im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
