i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
