About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
