Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
