did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
