a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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