well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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