youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize