OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
