I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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