drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
