we're blogging at a bar
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
