you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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