Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
