i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
