do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
