He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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