After last night, I could never be a politician.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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