Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
