Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
