is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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