I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
