Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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