I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
