you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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