I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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