Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
