If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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