Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize