whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
