Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
