That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
