3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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