I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
