Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
