I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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