census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
