sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
