Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize