Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
