A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
