I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
