i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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