dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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