Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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